Taunting the Falses–Two Fatties, ICP, and a Leash

I guess fat guys are just generally not metal. This is gives new meaning to the term “pathetic”. Brace yourselves…

The stupidity and false-ness contained in this picture actually angers me! I feel that I should eloquently state my main question to these pseudo-masochists:

What the fuck is wrong with you?

(that pun was fully intended)

Where to start……hmmmm……I’ll go from left to right. I guess that also means smallest to largest in this case. I’ll separate this one into two sets of insults, one for the fat kid, and one for the fat–um–”guy” (in the loosest meaning of the term).

Small-but-Fat Goth:

1. The main problem here is the Insane Clown Posse shirt. Very little in this world–no, in this universe–is more false than ICP. Before I even look at your hideous face (which I’ll get to shortly), I already know you’re not only a false, but also an idiot. Hooray for correct assumptions!

2. Nice face. Let’s see, simply retarded makeup all over the eyes, an “uber tr00, kvlt, fr0stb1tt3n” lip piercing, and what looks like a mustache and beard drawn on with a Crayola marker. Wow, your face is hideous even before puberty. This is simply immature and idiotic to the largest degree.

3. Spike collars and chains all around your neck and wrists. Fucking brilliant.

4. That hat looks pretty false too, if I do say so myself.

Go do some homework or something so you end up doing something semi-successful in life instead of working the register at a Hot Topic.

NEXT CUSTOMER!

Fat “Guy”:

1. Are you a woman or a man? Whatever you are, you have the largest moobs that I’ve ever seen in my life. You need a bro. That dress doesn’t help clarify your gender either–especially when it is so messy that it looks like a pig was eating. Are you pregnant, or are you just really fat? Do you walk, or do people have to roll you along in front of them? Ugh…

2. If your wrists are broken, then I can tolerate those “things” on them, but if those are some pseudo-goth “tr00″ armbands or something of the like, I have no words in my vast lexicon that can describe how much of an idiot you are.

3. WAIT A MINUTE!!!! Are you…seriously…wearing…a fucking leash? A FUCKING LEASH?!?!?!?!?!? Scratch what I said before, now I have no words to describe what I’m seeing. Are you the fattest dog alive?!?!?!? Are you a separate country, with a giant city existing inside of your ass crack? I am at a serious loss of words…

4. Wait, I found some words–I can’t leave you without mentioning your female “pseudo-goth” wig clashing with the large beard on your face. Oh wait, maybe those are forests in your country. The lipstick is just the finishing touch to this cake full of shit.

I end with the same question I had when I first saw this picture:

What the fuck is wrong with you?

One of you is a false poser trying to be tr00 in an ICP shirt and a bunch of chains and shit, and the other…let’s just say I still haven’t determined what gender it is yet.

Why can’t people just dress like…people?!?!?! This entire “Taunting the Falses” thing is to make fun of people trying too hard to be tr00, or just looking stupid in general. It is their fault for going out in public in such monstrosities that they call “appropriate clothing”. Face it–this was not Halloween (10/20/05). This is just stupidity, and stupidity pisses me off.

This post gets a bunch of special new tags, but I realize that “Fat Guy” is starting to become a trend. I like it…